Posts Tagged ‘dream’

What does coming-of-age really mean? Does it signify a true understanding of the self? Does it imply coming to terms with your abilities and flaws? An acceptance of life?

What if this is never an option? This mellowing with time, attaining maturity or adult wisdom…

What do you do when reality gets suspended in a strange way? When endless longing does not lead to a resolution or even despair? Oh, there are many disappointments on the way. And, sometimes, there is despair too. And yet, the disillusionment is never complete.

There is always something… a glimmer, a fantasy that keeps beckoning. As if life is not progressing at all, except in your fantasy world. As if all the distressing and saddening experiences do not matter. Well, not beyond a certain point, at least. The people around grow and mature. But your world stays the same. You remain the same. A perpetual adolescent…. dreaming improbable dreams. Like a hapless Peter Pan.

Is this a great capacity for self-delusion only? Is this being incurably, hopelessly romantic? This does seem like a disease.

The hunger is so great. It gnaws on the soul and refuses to let go. An ache that constantly throbs beneath the facade of normalcy.

It is, in a way, pathetic. This desperation to hold onto the edges of a vanishing dream. To keep wanting to remember a face whose features are being eaten away by the sands of time.

You are partially suspended in reality.  Like a sinking island in a river that moves inexorably. You can envisage your own inevitable destruction, the end of your inner life. And yet, you are powerless to do anything. You are caught in a magical dream. You refuse to give up on the might-have-beens… on ghostly memories of experiences that you have never really experienced.

You know full well that to give up would be easier, safer. But you have always been a fool.

In a way, it is glorious too.

Your ability to sway to a tune that only you can hear.

Hardly anyone to acknowledge the flame in your soul, the deep need in your eyes. To understand how vast and keen and generous you can be. So what? Nothing lovely enough to keep your eyes from seeking and searching for ever. No sweetness to enter your heart and gladden it. No love to come home to. Except the kind that keeps you wandering, keeps your spirit from being quiet and content.

You are a defiant idiot. Slightly mad. Eyes filled with a strange light, hair in disarray. Grasping at straws. Surviving on discarded crumbs. So what?

Maybe, some day hope will indeed create from its own wreck the thing it contemplates.

Copyright © 2015 [Violet Dolui]. All Rights Reserved.


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‘ Remain thou, thou art so beautiful.’

… Faust addresses the passing moment, in order to capture the eternal essence of a fragment of time. I use these same words to prevent the disappearance of a vision.

I see you… now… as I write… but my pen does not possess the power to convey the strength of your presence. You stand as a creäture of light… dressed in the many-coloured robes of my fond imagination… but you are real, for I see your radiant face… surrounded by your hair, that shimmers softly like the night sky, dotted with strings of pearly stars.

I see your eyes… sparkling like gems… lustrous and gentle, all at once. Your eyes perform the tasks of the ears, the tongue, and even the heart… Unaverted eyes, that listen quietly… Eloquent eyes that speak to me by transforming themselves into a galaxy of words- Eyes, that live and vivify.

You have the elusive grace of a gazelle and even when you are still, you reflect the serene aura of the autumnal twilight. When you are silent, you are like a cool night in the island of Nepenthe… you make me conscious of restful dreams, of pure experience… of peaceful sensations. Thoughts do not trouble me… but I begin to understand.

Who are you? A mortal? A muse? I do not know, but in your proud form lies the essence of eternity. You are the indestructible human spirit- you are the Ideal.

You are the personification of my highest aspirations… the realization of my fondest dreams. Your genuineness- reaffirms my faith in the best in human nature- in love, exaltation, and ecstasy.

Are you a Laura? a Beatrice?… or are you ‘Intellectual Beauty’? Will you inspire me and guide me?

You are still before me, with a mysterious smile on your lips. Your far-seeing eyes and godlike composure unnerve me and yet you fill me with hope. Why do you smile so?… as if you are thinking of something that we can never know… or imagine.

Make me a part of your dream— a reason for you to smile…

I don’t know… how long you will stay… maybe, you will vanish like the will o’ the wisp… but I am certain of one thing… you will have changed my world for ever. I cannot deny my destiny… I cannot escape my future.

You are a glimpse of what I can be… what I should be.

[Another article that I had written for my college magazine.]

Copyright © 2002 [Violet Dolui]. All Rights Reserved.

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She woke up one morning with the memory of his angel eyes deeply embedded in her mind. Her blood raced and heart pounded with the thought of his warm embrace, his wistful smile.
Was it only a dream? Then why did he seem so familiar? Why did his face fill her with such longing and ache?

He was not young. Strands of gray peppered his hair and there were a few lines on his thin face. But something about his dream-filled, distant-looking, all-seeing eyes, spoke to her heart and made her want to be with him. Made her want to erase that look of veiled desolation from his beautiful eyes.

He was gentle. As if he held within his core, something very precious and fragile. And secret. He moved slowly like in a dream, afraid to shatter the moment. He was invariably courteous, like a man from a different, more gallant age. And he was attentive, his faraway eyes never wavering once from her face.

They talked. The intimacy of the words, the thoughtfulness of his manners, lit a candle in the depths of her soul. She saw that despite his earnestness, a gently humorous glint always danced in his eyes and a tender smile played upon his lips.

She gazed into his eyes, those endless pools of liquid brightness. She buried her face in his shoulder and he murmured soft words against her hair. She closed her eyes but she could sense his mouth curving into a smile. It was perfect. Her heart soared with great joy. And yet, why did she experience a strange tug in her heart? A faint premonition of loss?

He caressed her with his gaze. A sweet lingering look that suggested friendship and togetherness. A subtle understanding that made the silences shimmer with beauty.

She turned and leaned her head back against his chest. Kisses like white flowers rained down on her neck and shoulders. He bent his tall frame to graze her throat and cheeks and hair with his lips. She tilted her face towards him and he tasted her mouth, almost hesitantly. Then something flared between them. A deep strong desire that took her by surprise.

Until now, they had sought comfort and affection from each other. But suddenly, it seemed that her soul was burning with desperate need. He trembled a little and his kisses grew heated. And she returned his ardor with feverish urgency.

They looked at each other. His eyes shone with an inner fire. But she saw that he still retained an aura of hopeless yearning. Perhaps he saw things that were at too great a distance. Things that would always remain beyond their reach. His soft, sad gaze lingered on her, trying to commit her face to his memory.

They kissed again, his mouth seeking hers now with poignant intensity. Her heart was breaking with love and sadness. And the painful awareness of a deep and abiding loss.

Then as the night deepened, he faded away. The brightness of his eyes finally dimming into nothingness, his fond whispers receding into a void. And there was left only the memories, beautiful and melancholy. And the knowledge of those incomparably beautiful and hauntingly sad eyes, lodged firmly in her heart.



Copyright © 2011 [Violet Dolui]. All Rights Reserved.

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