Archive for August, 2012

‘ Remain thou, thou art so beautiful.’

… Faust addresses the passing moment, in order to capture the eternal essence of a fragment of time. I use these same words to prevent the disappearance of a vision.

I see you… now… as I write… but my pen does not possess the power to convey the strength of your presence. You stand as a creäture of light… dressed in the many-coloured robes of my fond imagination… but you are real, for I see your radiant face… surrounded by your hair, that shimmers softly like the night sky, dotted with strings of pearly stars.

I see your eyes… sparkling like gems… lustrous and gentle, all at once. Your eyes perform the tasks of the ears, the tongue, and even the heart… Unaverted eyes, that listen quietly… Eloquent eyes that speak to me by transforming themselves into a galaxy of words- Eyes, that live and vivify.

You have the elusive grace of a gazelle and even when you are still, you reflect the serene aura of the autumnal twilight. When you are silent, you are like a cool night in the island of Nepenthe… you make me conscious of restful dreams, of pure experience… of peaceful sensations. Thoughts do not trouble me… but I begin to understand.

Who are you? A mortal? A muse? I do not know, but in your proud form lies the essence of eternity. You are the indestructible human spirit- you are the Ideal.

You are the personification of my highest aspirations… the realization of my fondest dreams. Your genuineness- reaffirms my faith in the best in human nature- in love, exaltation, and ecstasy.

Are you a Laura? a Beatrice?… or are you ‘Intellectual Beauty’? Will you inspire me and guide me?

You are still before me, with a mysterious smile on your lips. Your far-seeing eyes and godlike composure unnerve me and yet you fill me with hope. Why do you smile so?… as if you are thinking of something that we can never know… or imagine.

Make me a part of your dream— a reason for you to smile…

I don’t know… how long you will stay… maybe, you will vanish like the will o’ the wisp… but I am certain of one thing… you will have changed my world for ever. I cannot deny my destiny… I cannot escape my future.

You are a glimpse of what I can be… what I should be.

[Another article that I had written for my college magazine.]

Copyright © 2002 [Violet Dolui]. All Rights Reserved.


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The Sound— as if a storm was brewing somewhere outside and was being forced by the demented spirits of the night to beat madly against the tremulous door. Continuous as the unceasing motion of my heart. The meaningless constancy of the act was disturbing and unbearable.

The Darkness— intense and absolute. The Stygian blackness rendered me blind and helpless— yet my senses were so tuned up, that I could perceive impalpable figures all around. The shadows were animated with the infernal light of a strange life. They were visible because they were even blacker than the gloomy night. The darkness was alive.

The cessation of the Sound— without warning it stopped, just as it had begun. Images commenced filtering through the darkness. Innumerable faces— some, devoid of expression— vacant countenances with glazed eyes— as if staring at some distant spectacle of no consequence through my transparent body. The other unknown faces appeared agonized—-  in grave pain— perhaps condemned to bear the terrible afflictions of hell, in a timeless realm of constant suffering and aimless wandering.

I was unable to recognize any of them, although I could see that they were trying desperately to communicate with me. Did they know me?

Those countless, gruesome faces— dissolving, melting, and moulding themselves into a single image, just like a phantom with a thousand faces or manifold identities. Or, probably distinct entities brought together by a common bond— a union of sin and sorrow.

Their lips were moving— enunciating words that could not be heard— chanting phrases of Celtic sentiments perhaps, for they were solemn— as if performing an ancient and forgotten religious rite — to initiate me— I was cold with horror.

The Silence— was pronounced and malignantly still. It was enhanced by the failure – on the part of the nocturnal figures to convey sense through their arduous but arcane gestures. It was likely that they wished to give voice to their thoughts and managed only to send forth a silent cry of frustration or distress. I know not what. They kept moving their limbs in a fluid manner as if trying to ward off some evil influence— beckoning me to join their throes.

My mind was deeply disturbed by this singular visitation. The exhausting experience of viewing the ghastly troops and their baleful presence, was most tormenting. The extreme blackness was now being invaded by a crimson glow— stealing in from an unknown source.

The Apparition— out of the anarchic maelström, arose a figure— more disturbing than the rest— more recognizable. I can recall the man— nondescript— except for the eyes, which were large and round like those of a clown. Only his— were not happy— they appeared distended— as if in recognition of something or someone. He regarded me not with malevolence but almost apologetically, with a look of ineffable sadness.

Even though an ominous shudder of fear ran through me, I remained near him. Something primeval within me responded to his mystical influence. I was a subservient slave— drawn to him— not physically but by mental correspondence. He required no speech— I understood him perfectly— I was a part of them— those doomed figures in the dark.

The faces disappeared— leaving only the silent night behind. Without a murmur of surprise, I realized that even I had lost my shape, my earthly form— my individual consciousness for I too was now an integral part of the night.

The Sound resumes— unexpectedly— the same monotonous, diabolic sound— ravening forces of the darksome world— beating against the doors of homes— to gain entry and disrupt the complacency of ignorant minds— to destroy the façade of peace and security— to drag others into the cesspool of suffering and shame.

Nothing but blackness visible— I could not see even the shadows for I was one of them— the foremost among them— striking with my unseen hands and face and head and form on the fragile barrier that separated me and my kind from— one— other hapless victim— a subject to his own perverse desires and sins and thus condemned to atone endlessly.


[I had written this article a long time ago, for my college magazine.]



Copyright © 2001 [Violet Dolui]. All Rights Reserved.

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